BY DAVID PIETRASANTA ENCINO, CA
I thought the meaning of self-forgiveness was when I saw the word on paper or when I heard someone say it, I felt some comfort. That's temporary comfort. I discovered there is more to it for me.
I imagine myself today sitting next to me who is 10 years old.
1) I'm sorry you thought it was your fault.
2) As it continued to happen, I'm sorry you were convinced it was your fault.
3) I'm sorry you felt helpless and terrorized.
4) I'm sorry you lived in fear of him.
5) I'm sorry you lived in fear because of your secret.
6) I'm sorry for a lifetime of guilt and shame.
7) I'm sorry I told you drugs would make it all go away.
8) I'm sorry for telling you to just forget about it.
9) I'm sorry for concluding that staying silent was the best solution.
10) Do you want to know how you turned out? You're a survivor success story.
I imagine this as a conversation between me today and me at 10 years old. Numbers 7,8,9 are direct apologies. I wonder all the time what it would be like to have this conversation in person.