2008 Story #14 – My Story for Living
Sometimes, I wonder if I am one of the lucky ones.
Ive avoided what some say have been the backwash of effects of sexual abuse.
I do not use tobacco, drink excessively.
I do not use drugs or other substances.
But then I think that this is a Pollyanna look at my life, because I have had times of tears, fears, hurts, hates and grief.
I have had to call on others, including those from SNAP for help getting over barriers associated with a type of sexual abuse that is difficult for me to discuss with others, even those who are closest to me.
I still can break down, cry, battle mood swings and consider other self-destructive actions until I pause, rethink what I am doing and come back to the reality that this is the result of the abuse.
When I come to my senses, I can have a good soothing cry, take a walk in a natural setting and restore myself to a state in which I enjoy my own company.
I sometimes think the reason for my current state of satisfaction stems from learning over the years of counseling, to admit I am only human and say that I need the help from others and the help of others.
I am grateful that others answer the phone or return calls made to them, or respond to an e-mail to let me know everything will be fine.
Along the road to recovery, I have met many caring and concerned people.
I have learned that I have other issues to deal with other than sexual abuse.
I have found a caring organization in Al-Anon as a means of support and caring in my community and I use it.
This time of year, with its emphasis on church and religion, prayer, choirs, the coming of Jesus can be such a painful time for those who have found the church the place of repression and abuse, so I like to return to a pre-church era and simply celebrate solstice, the coming of the winter season.
I like to watch the changes of nature around me and to honor that aspect of the season.
I also like to see Christmas not as a Christian holiday, but an ancient seasonal celebration of the Romans who simply needed to use up five wasted days on their calendar, so they threw themselves a party each year.
Nature and the Roman celebrations deflect the Christian religious emphasis of the season.
Finally, I have a standing New Years resolution that I keep each year.
I vow to find 365 moments of joy one each day.
This gets me through the year by letting me find something to smile about each day.
I wish all who are struggling to find their moments of joy and hope they can find inner peace as we wish everyone peace on earth.