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France is sometimes called the "Church's eldest daughter," a reference to its close association with Catholicism that goes back 1,500 years.   Nevertheless, the Church's power and influence dropped after the French Revolution at the end of the 18th century, a time that ushered in an era of strict separation between the Church and State.  

This blog was written by Adults Sexually Abused by Priests (ASAP)

Lent will be upon us soon. Holy days bring with them many memories and feelings. I was abused as an adult as many of us were, so I was able to keep the fairy tale of a holy institution of a church and infallible people living in human form until I was much older.

This blog was written by Adults Sexually Abused by Priests (ASAP)

The following is an excerpt from an email sent to me from a survivor. I am sharing with permission but will not use their name.

It’s ok to feel what you feel at any given moment. Feelings are not wrong or right. They are our truth at the time. 

My emotions still vacillate between the powerful feelings that had me euphoric and feeling he was my “soul mate” alternating with “f**k you!” or “f**ker!” It caused massive confusion. 

Love has no confusion. It’s taken me a long time to realize any niceness displayed was all a part of the abuser’s tactics. In other words he is either nice manifesting wounded parts or an abuser who isn’t nice at all because it was false and a facade used to groom and manipulate!

Now when I think of him I feel an aversion. I focused too much on what he projected that I needed so much of in me. Now I focus on the truth; he was a manipulative con man who exploited everyone even the church for his end. 

Asshole is how I feel today. That’s healing. But I can still have compassion to override my feelings. Again, it’s the nurse in me who could overlook the behaviors of suffering people who could act in ways they might not ordinarily out of fear and pain. 

So you are right where you need to be. Give the compassion first to yourself. That is what I am doing. It is better balanced that way!

This blog was written by Adults Sexually Abused by Priests (ASAP)

I couldn’t sleep. I tried to meditate. I couldn’t get my thoughts to stop racing. Then I thought…one day nothing will matter. None of this. Let it go. Let it go. Let it go.

But I could not. I thought about how I could die at any moment and I would own nothing, I would have no bills…no debt…..I would be a spirit. Just dust in the wind.

Well, that still didn’t work. Just made me think about more stuff to worry about.

This blog was written by Adults Sexually Abused by Priests (ASAP)

I want to talk about those people…..you know who they are…..those people who were our friends. The huggers. The people in the choir who we socialized with. The neighbors. The co-workers. spiritual supporters, family members and fellow church goers.

The people who suddenly seemed to turn against us.

This blog was written by Adults Sexually Abused by Priests (ASAP)

The abuse of one person affects many people. And very often, we are left not knowing what to do or how to help those who are being abused or those in abusive situations. Sometimes when all that can be done has been done, stepping away from the situation is the best course of action is the best you can do. I’m talking about after police have been notified and the situation is not improving.

This blog was written by Adults Sexually Abused by Priests (ASAP)

I once described the feeling of being betrayed by my boss the priest as if I was travelling at 90 miles per hour and hit a tree. There had been so much emotional turmoil and anxiety and confusion inside of me and once I was fired and sent home, it was a feeling that is hard to describe. Unless you have been betrayed. And we all have been betrayed at one point or another. But to be betrayed by an institution you should be able to depend upon for well being….that is a betrayal trauma.

This blog was written by Adults Sexually Abused by Priests (ASAP)

Ah, the pursuit of happiness and perfection. You ever feel like you have never quite made it? Is there always something missing? Have you looked back over your life so far and you see nothing but unhappiness with a bleak future ahead? Does it feel like life is one big bowl of disappointments with a cherry on top of moments of loss and utter despair? Or do you ever look back and say….what happened to the good old days? Or do you look forward to the day when you will be able to retire or find your soul mate or win a legal battle?

This blog was written by Adults Sexually Abused by Priests (ASAP)

I had a woman at a meeting last week say that she didn’t want to bore the rest of us with her story by telling it over again. Sometimes I feel that way too. Why do we need to tell our story over and over again?

This article originally appeared in The Victim's Informer (Vol. 25, No. 4). It has been copied and shared with permission from the author, Bailey Brown. See the original story on page 8.

Celebrating Mass during Christmas is something Steve Bartley is looking forward to one day in the future. He was born and raised a true Catholic and by the time he was a teenager, he realized he wanted to become a priest. However, his experience in the seminary wasn’t at all what he expected. At 71 years old, he came forward and filed police reports regarding the suffering he endured while in and out of the seminary from the ages of 14 to 25.